Some poetry, because why not?

Fifteen

A teardrop fell upon my soul

Unseen, unnoticed, rust grew

an orange spot amid my freckles

and I never knew

how it would gnaw and eat

like an obsessive dog

slowly, slowly, slowly

my soul began to rot

I thought this would be the best way to start off my revival of this blog.  A lot of my poetry can be sorted into two categories: wonder and depression.  Obviously, this is about my depression.

I was a teenager when the depression first began to affect me.  However, I didn't get treatment for my condition until I was almost twenty.  This was due to my own shame over what I felt.  I had two very powerful breakdowns.  The first was the most frightening to me; in college, I struggled with suicidal fantasies and the desire to hurt myself.  The second was less intense, less dangerous, but no less damaging; I sank very slowly into a mire of depression while I was training to become a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

There is a lot of hurt and secrecy involved in depression.  If you suffer from depression, even if you don't think it's serious, or don't want to involve anyone, or if you're embarrassed, I would advise you to seek help.  Go to someone you trust and talk.  If there's no one you can trust, find a good therapist.  Talk to your doctor.  Go to a support group.  There are a lot of people out there who would like nothing more than to lend you a willing ear, to see you standing on your feet.

If your loved one suffers from depression and chooses to confide this in you, DO NOT ASK WHY.  There may be an answer.  There may not.  Listen and be kind.  Depression is like cancer; hidden, insidious, and lethal.  It is a disease, not a choice.  Your loved one chose to trust you with a deep secret; if you must say something, thank them for their trust and assure them that you love and accept them, that the depression does not change the way you feel.

—•—•—

"If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation."

—Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Like a Broken Vessel"

—L